The dread of being unattached

“If you are not happy being single, you will never be happy in a relationship. Get your own life first, then share it”

Single is a word that best describes a person who is strong enough to live and enjoy life without depending on others. In the current generation, we all feel the need to be in an intimate relationship because we constantly search for validation in terms of how we look and whether we are good enough or not. This is because being single to many of us is usually associated with either being unattractive, undesirable or unwanted. We also seek intimate relationships as a way to fill voids in our lives. The mistake we make is that we depend on other people to fill these instead of first filling them, then seeking to be in a relationship. We have a misconception that, being single is miserable and being lonely, therefore, those in a relationship are happier and more fulfilled.

We fail to realise that one should not go into a relationship in search of satisfaction and fulfilment. One should not get into a relationship for validation or in search of happiness. To be in a relationship is not a take situation but a give situation. One does not simply get into a relationship in search of happiness! One is happy, therefore gets into a relationship. You need to be satisfied before satisfaction can be present in your relationship. You have to be fulfilled so that you won’t need to seek that elsewhere. You have to have confidence, and self-love, so as not to seek validation from any man or woman. An intimate relationship is about bringing two people who are complete and fulfilled, who will be able to work together as one unit.

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Some people have been single for years, simply because they are so complete and satisfied with who they are, that it actually takes a while to find someone else who is content with themselves to be in an intimate relationship with. This is because they have realised that to be in a relationship, you need to know and understand yourself first before you explore someone else. You need to know who you are, what type of person you want to be with and what you have to offer. Unfulfilled partner/s encounter problems in the relationship because they are still searching for validation.  This makes them have a different perspective of the relationship,  leading them to operate at a different hemisphere which gives them a huge diversity or parallelogram that denies them an opportunity of a possible intersection. Most of such relationships do not last long, as the parties involved in the relationship emerge with different expectations, which might not be coherent with each other, as such the foundation of the relationship from the start is founded on shaky grounds. Successful relationships are where partners connect, with a common goal, which is to give and bestow happiness in each other.

When you’re single, don’t be in a hurry to get into another relationship. Do not dread being unattached. Do not feel insecure. If you find being single a problem, then you are not completely satisfied with who you are in the first place. This might even be the reason as to why you are not able to sustain a relationship at all.
Take your time, let’s help you through. These are some of the questions you need to ask yourself while you’re still single:

1. Who am I? – What are my strengths/weaknesses? What makes me happy/sad? Am I short-tempered? Am I  sporty? What are my long term/short term goals? where do I see myself in the next 1/5/10 years? What is my purpose in life?

2. What kind of person would be the perfect match for me?

3. What do I have to offer in a relationship right now? – Is it a priority? Am I ready to handle commitment? Is it just for fun, peer pressure or am I actually looking for a lifetime partner? Am I mature enough to cater to someone else’s emotional and mental needs? Am I ready to cater to someone else’s physical needs? (Time, Dates…etc)

  1. Am I emotionally stable even while I am alone?

To all our lovely readers, it’s about time, that we have more self-content people who give more than take in relationships. Be single and learn to be happy and satisfied rather than be in a relationship where you have to stay so as to satisfy your insecurities. Know your value because nobody else is capable of treating you how you’d treat yourself. Nobody is capable of giving you happiness more than what you can offer yourself. So search within and let that flourish in your relationship.

Keep reading, keep sharing and keep commenting.

Do not forget to visit and subscribe to our youtube channel “Responding To Life – RTL” (https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCovwoPYKuAkVWQkW6oSyOMw) to watch our talks.

From us, with love,
Responding To Life.

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