“If you want to find the trail, if you want to find yourself, you must explore your dreams alone. You must grow at a slow pace in a dark cocoon of loneliness so you can fly, when you awaken”
We always delight in seeing couples on the street expressing their love to each other. We also get excited when we listen to our friends’ unending stories about their love affairs. Many of us get carried away to a point of missing the affection, which gradually leads them to searching for love. Why does this happen often? To the many that are searching for satisfaction, most at times we lie to ourselves that satisfaction can only be found in love relationships. But that is not right. When we engage in love relationships with an agenda of finding fulfillments, then we make relationships to lose meaning because successful love relationships are where two fulfilled persons get together. The two come together to give and not seeking to take, to satisfy their unfulfilled life. Relationships are beautiful, but relationships with the wrong purpose can be quite opposite.
Misunderstanding arises very often in a situation where the purpose of the two involved differs. This is where priorities are different, one person tends to be focused on building a relationship for a future, while as the other person is focused on the short-term pleasures, leisure’s, spending money, catching fun and sex just to mention a few.
Why do I need a love relationship? What are my expectations? Should it be a short term or long term relationship? What are my goals for this relationship? Before you get into a relationship or if you have dropped one, before you jump into the next one, you will need to search yourself, do a clear evaluation of the above. Establish why you need to be in a love relationship. Analyze the kind of partner you want in your life. Identify your purpose or your goals, what you want to achieve in this relationship and which level of relationship you intend to engage in. If it is a Sponsor like relationship, then definitely you should have a short-term mindset. If it is a true love focused relationship, then you should focus on a lasting one. Point is, do not waste someone else’s time because you do not know what you want from them.
If you are not ready for a relationship, do not allow peer pressure to push you into one. Remember everyone is a boss of their own life, so don’t do something because your friends or age mates are doing it. There is no greater peace than the peace within oneself. If you can spend time alone and enjoy every moment and be satisfied just by yourself without looking for a space filler, then, when the time comes for you to be in a relationship, be assured that you will have a peaceful relationship because you will bring in a positive input. You will not be searching for who to fill the void in your life for example that of self-esteem. Your partner will not come in to fill a gap of someone missing in your life, not to make you feel worth, beautiful/handsome or to feel wanted, but to love and to feel loved. It won’t be all about you because you are already fulfilled.
Don’t make your partner the dad or the mom you never had. Look at your partner as your companion and your help mate. This way you will be building a great foundation that cannot crumble. If you assume your partner to be someone else, this may pose a threat in your relationship because you will keep comparing them to the person. And if they do not meet up to the expectation or if they ever wrong you and maybe a misunderstanding arises, hatred will start creeping in your relationship and you’ll start creating kind of a negative perception that if care is not taken, may lead to a break up.
Relationships should be allowed to be an avenue of new adventures. It should be a place where you come open minded and very positive. Laying down every past experience will help you to venture through the new exciting moments and to be able to appreciate what your partner has to offer.
Those who carry loads of their past with them in a relationship, always find themselves constantly falling in and out of relationships simply because they are constantly seeking extra validations. The period you are single, try to learn a little more of who you really are, in which area do you feel empty, and where you need change in your life. When you identify that, you will be able to have and to keep a steady and healthy, long-term relationship.
No one holds your joy and fulfillments. Those lie inside you. It doesn’t matter how many people you are going to fall in love with, they cannot fill the void inside you. It’s not until you identify the hidden misery in you, that you find peace not only in your relationship, but every aspect of your life.
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From us, with love,