“It takes a good man to guide and lead a woman. It takes a better man to love and support her”
Relationships are tough and full of ups and downs. Compromises must be made by both parties. However, there are a lot of things that are impossible to compromise on, such as abuse (both physical and verbal), cheating or disrespect. In as much as we often hear about women being the victims of such unfortunate situations, all these are caused and experienced by both parties in the relationship. A question came to mind while I was having a conversation with a good friend. We came to an agreement that men do not have the same exposure or guidance, on how to be a proper partner, as women do. Men generally have to figure out how to be a “proper man”, a “proper husband” and even at times a “proper father” by themselves as life goes on. They get very little to no “teaching” on how to be all these, while their partners spend their whole life being nurtured, molded and made to be “perfect women”, “perfect wives” and mostly “perfect mothers”.
The end result is that men live a trial and error kind of life, in which the choices they make do not necessarily fit into society’s perception of what is right or wrong. This is mostly because every man has their own understanding of what a perfect man is. However, there are certain things that are a result of a boy growing up while watching what his father does and how he acts and reacts to different situations. That either makes or breaks him. This means that a boy raised in a home where his father is both physically and verbally abusive towards both him and his mother, he may end up being the complete opposite or a more extreme version of his father. The fact that men do not have the opportunity to be mentally trained for such situations is a societal mistake. They are not heard; neither are they given the opportunity to speak out. Little do we realize that they also go through as much (if not more) emotional trauma as women do. This conversation happened to be with a male friend who asked me to share a female perspective on the issue. He hoped it would render some “useful” advice to men.
Since I am not quite the expert, I speak for myself and the few ladies I know that share the same view. There are a few areas that are no-go zones! Top of the list is the obvious, abuse. Being a man, you have a physical advantage over a woman, therefore, picking a physical fight with a woman, is not a show of strength, but rather one of weakness. I would suggest that you “pick a fight with someone your own size”. Physical abuse is not the only form of abuse you should avoid, but also verbal abuse. Women are quite verbal, but that is just as bad as it gets. Being a man, and hence the head of the house, exchanging words with a woman only makes matters worse. A wise man will be able to calm his woman the right way because he knows her strengths and weaknesses. He knows where to touch and where not to. I, however, do agree that at times it gets a bit extreme and at the end of the day, the best thing to do is just walk away.
Cheating is second on the list, and is a sensitive topic as well. This is because many people have different opinions on it. Based on different religions and cultures, many work through it. Nonetheless, one thing is certain, that cheating is hurtful and probably one of the most common reasons why people either separate or divorce. If you finally figure out that your partner is not the right person for you, why not let them go rather than cheat on them? If you can get yourself to lay with someone else, you probably can get yourself to do it without breaking another’s heart.
Disrespect is one of the worst things a man would do to a woman. It mostly comes when you look down on your woman. The most common example is that of a man being the only one who is earning in the house and ends up degrading his woman, because of continuously having to provide for her upkeep. At times, men must remember that they are expected to be providers by nature, especially in a marriage situation. A proper man will appreciate his woman in whatever situation. Instead of disregarding her at her lows, he encourages her to be the best she can rather tear her down.
To all our male readers, do not allow life make you a man who is ill-equipped to tackle the challenges of life as they should be tackled. Do not let your past, or your present determine your future. To all our female readers, if you have a man in your life, be it a brother, lover or a friend; use your time to teach them how to love you. Teach them how to be a perfect father, a perfect husband, a perfect man, just as you learnt. Teach them what you learnt because the roles are not as different as we all might think they are.
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From us, with love,